Prophetic methods in educating children (1)

The parable of the parents

By Ebu Hurejre r.a.. it is narrated that the Prophet s.a.v.s. said: “Every child that is born, arises in naturalness (the Islamic religion), but the parents make him Jewish, or Christians, or agirrpuiisi.”(1) also, of Enes bin Maliku r.a.. it is narrated that the Prophet s.a.v.s. said: “It is not one of us who does not pity our children, and does not respect our elders.”(2)

Children are the mirror of parents. They learn more from the one they love the most. A good example has a tremendous impact on the child. In most cases the child is an imitator and follower of his parents. Parents have such a strong influence, so that they manage to change the state of naturalness of the child.
Pejgamberi a.s. say: “Parents educate the child to become a Jew, ardent or Christian”.
Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet a.s.. said: “Whoever tells the child come here that I will give you something, and then gives him nothing, this is a lie (Lies).”(3)
With this the Prophet a.s. encourages parents to be good examples in all areas of life, and especially to have honest behaviors when working with their children.
In another version, narrated by Abdullah bin Amir, se tha: “One day, while in our house was the Prophet a.s. my mother called me and told me:
“Come here I will give you something!” Pejgamberi a.s. he asked: “what do you want to give him? (baby)?” “I wanted to give her a date”, – said my mother. “If he calls the child and gives him nothing, you will be told a lie”, – said the Prophet a.s.
Children inherit and follow the behaviors of adults. If children see their parents honest, then they will be developed and educated in sincerity, and so on for other virtues. This is best shown by the case of Ibn Abbas, who as a child had gone to spend the night with his aunt, Mejmunia. The Prophet s.a.v.s was raised overnight, had taken ablution from a vessel, and then he had started praying. Then Ibn Abbas was also raised, had performed ablution as the Prophet a.s., and was tied in prayer on the left side of the Prophet a.s., whereas the Prophet a.s. had crossed it on the right side … “(4)
From this hadith we understand that the child acts as he sees the adults. This means that the good example affects the children. Parents are required to be good educators, because children develop and are educated as they see deeds, their behaviors and words. By their behavior children express the behavior of parents, no matter what type they are.
The child thinks and asks himself about the movements and behaviors of the parents, for the causes of (pa)to their satisfaction etc.. If those behaviors are good, then the child takes them as goods and benefits from them. Parents are required to practice and carry out the commands of Allah xh. sh. and His Messenger, both in behavior and in practice. These behaviors to be comprehensive, because children are constantly in the company of their parents. Child understanding and awareness opportunities and vice versa, are very large, even bigger than we think, as long as we look at the child as a little creature who does not understand and has no consciousness.(5) Parents will be asked about the preservation of their family: “Allah will ask every guardian for his guardianship (responsibility); whether he has preserved it or lost it (destroyed), while the head of the household will also be asked about his family members.”6

Choosing the right time to counsel children

Choosing the appropriate and adequate time for counseling children, for those things that parents want and that suit their children, has a special and dominant role. Such a thing has an impact on, the child because it facilitates and reduces the engagement in his practical education, for hearts are those who accept and reject. If parents are able to know the time when children’s hearts receive their advice, then there is no doubt that with this action the parents have achieved a sufficient result in their practical education. There is no doubt that the Prophet a.s. has been very accurate in choosing the appropriate and appropriate time and place for counseling the child. He has managed to raise children very successfully, improve their behavior and t’ build a just and sound morals. Pejgamberi a.s. has told us the three main times for child counseling, and they are:

strolling, travel and means of travel

Ibn Abasi r.a.. say: “One day I was on a trip with the Prophet a.s., who told me: “O boy, I want to show you some tips … ”
This hadith shows that the prophetic advice was both on the road and during the journey. They were both traveling, and there was no lack of fair and honest counseling.

Meal time

During this time the child makes efforts to find something to eat in any form. He chooses neither the way nor the behavior. He often makes inappropriate gestures and sometimes even violates the basic norms of education. What if the parents do not sit with him constantly during the meal, to advise and to t’ corrected mistakes, then the child will be left with a lot of mistakes and inappropriate traditions. When parents do not sit with their children during meal time, this is a waste of time convenient for advice and guidance. Pejgamberi a.s. ate with his children. There he saw and noticed many mistakes. He avoided those mistakes with a gentle method, to influence the minds of children. Thus the children themselves went from improvement. Such was the Prophet s.a.v.s.
Omar bin Abi Salama r.a.. say: “I was young (child) at the house of the Prophet s.a.v.s. My hands were getting food from every place of the pan. Then the Prophet s.a.v.s. told me: “O boy, mention the name of Allah xh. sh., eats with the right hand and eats in front of himself!” In these prophetic sayings is clearly seen the call of the Prophet s.a.v.s. for children, to eat food together. This is done with a method that contains softness and proximity to the table. Then the Prophet a.s. told her about the way of eating and its norms. Given this, the sahans in their manifestations took the children, especially in the manifestations attended by the Prophet s.a.v.s himself. so, their children in these manifestations benefited from good things, useful knowledge, general rules and norms. Those children also gradually acquired qualities and virtues of manhood.

The time when the child is sick

The disease soothes the hearts of people in general, and no longer the hearts of children, that have their hearts filled with tenderness and are in the process of being formed. When sick, the child in himself unites two natural and great characters, that serve to correct mistakes, of his morals and obedience. They are the natural character of childhood and the character of the softening of the heart and soul. For this the Prophet s.a.v.s., who had visited a Jewish child, who was ill, and had called him to accept Islam. This visit was calm for that child. Enesi r.a. say: “A young Jew had served the Prophet s.a.v.s., then he was ill. Pejgamberi s.a.v.s. went to visit (in his house), and sat down on his head and said: “Accept Islam (that you are saved)”. The child was watching his parent. Ai (print) i tha: “Listen to Abu Qasim-the Prophet s.a.v.s.!” Then he accepted Islam. Then the Prophet s.a.v.s. turned saying: “Praise be to Allaah, Who saved him from the fire.”(8) From this prophetic saying it is seen how the young man had served the Prophet s.a.v.s. He had not yet invited him to Islam until he found the right time to invite him. This convenient time was the visit of the child when he was ill. This call of the Prophet s.a.v.s. serves us as a model for patience and wisdom for the Islamic call. E, especially, tells us when is the most suitable time for planting iman, for the development of good education in good times. The child is the book from which we read and in which we must write. To read his behaviors and t’ we write education to him. These were the three main times most appropriate in the instruction, education and personality building of the child.
There are other times as well, which depending on the environment, the circumstances and conditions would serve the parents for the development and education of their children. A proverb says: “Do not rudely correct your children's mistakes, for even the gardener takes care not to shake the seedlings before they have taken root well.” (Continued)

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(1) “Sahihul Buhari”, VOLUME. XIV, f. 447, no. 4402.
(2) “Sunen Et-Tirmidhij”, VOLUME. VII, f. 155, no. 1842.
(3) “Musned Ahmed”, VOLUME. XX, f. 3, no. 9460.
(4) “Sahihul Buhari”, VOLUME. III, f. 112, no. 658.
(5) Muhamed Pole, Method of Islamic education, VOLUME. 2, f. 117.
(6) En-Nesaij, “Es-Sunen el-kubra”, VOLUME. V, f. 374.
(6) “Sahihul Buhari”, VOLUME. XVI, f. 470, no. 4957.
(7) “Sahihul Buhari”, VOLUME. V, f. 141, no. 1268.

Prof. As. Dr. Musa Vila